Some Prisoners Get So Bored They Perform Penis Surgery On Each Other: Study

Posted on February 1, 2013 by David Woods

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Photo via madamenoire.com

Being in prison really sucks. You don’t have to have lived life behind bars to know that. The living conditions aren’t exactly luxurious, the food is usually crappy, your roommates aren’t exactly great people and you have to grip the soap very delicately. And, you know, there’s the whole lack of freedom thing.

Another aspect of prison life that few who haven’t been incarcerated truly appreciate is just how boring it is. Prisoners spend hours and hours doing almost nothing at all. It’s literally mind-numbing — which guards like because lethargic prisoners are less violent.

According to a study performed by researchers at the University of New South Wales’ Kirby Institute andpublished in the journal Plos One, some prisoners get so bored they resort to extreme measures to counteract their boredom.

Really extreme measures.

Photo via fun.feedfury.com

According to The Atlantic, the researchers found that “almost 6 percent of male prisoners in correctional facilities in Queensland and New South Wales had a penile implant.” Three quarters of those with enhanced members had their surgery performed while they were incarcerated, by other inmates.

Yes, prisoners are giving each other penis surgery. Some apparently do it as part of a gang initiation and others to inflict pain on their sexual partners (sorry for making you picture a penis with spikes coming out of it), but it turns out that most do it out of sheer boredom.

Many of these prisoners are literally shoving pieces of plastic under the skin of their shafts. As The Atlantic reports, “some of the objects that have been inserted under the penile skin include beads made from melted toothpaste caps, buttons, dice, and deodorant roller balls.” Gahhh.

Of course, most of these surgeries are performed without anesthetic or proper sterilization, so the chance of infection is very high.

So, uh, think of all those mangled, gangrenous penises the next time you’re sitting at home on a Friday night and complaining of boredom. You don’t know how good you and your penis have it.

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We (Two Women) Tested This Penis-Measuring App So You Don’t Have To

• BY KAT STOEFFEL

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When I heard about the penis-measuring app released in the iTunes store yesterday, my first thought was one of envy. Not penis envy, but armchair entrepreneur’s jealousy: Why didn’t I come up with this? Given the gender ratios of Silicon Valley and the sexting ingenuity of the young, a penis-measuring app seemed, in retrospect, so obvious. At only 99 cents, I imagined old men chuckling and shaking their heads at their iPhone-gripping nephews. Back in my day, when you wanted to know if your dick was normal, you needed a measuring tape and a close friend — something like how their fathers felt realizing their sons could access unlimited free pornography on the Internet.

But unlike porn, this app, called Condom Size, might serve an educational purpose. “This app educates the male population on the proper condom placement and helps determine proper condom size,” the App Store said. It also, crucially, promised to provide a “World Ranking” for length and girth. Even the icon was cute — a slimmed-down "Pillsbury Doughboy" peering down his pants, holding a ruler. I hit "download app."

For the sake of decency and a little bit of meanness, it was decided that the Cut would determine how our fingers rank among the penises of the world. Beauty editor Christina was chosen to model because she had the best manicure. (Zoom in to check out that robin’s-egg speckling, courtesy of Illamasqua.)

The first of many post-purchase disappointments came when I learned that this app does not take advantage of the iPhone’s camera or its touch screen. It’s essentially a light-up ruler. “Hold hard member straight against inches or cm side of the screen,” the app instructs. One thoughtful touch is that the ruler starts at the beginning of the phone, not the screen, which I imagine takes some of the guesswork out of penis-measuring.

Another frustration: For girth measurement, the app requires additional purchases — “a piece of string or soft measuring tape” to be “measured around your member" and "straightened out" overthe phone. What would we have done if Christina hadn't had some ribbon on hand?

After plugging in the measurements, Condom Size reported that Christina’s fingers have a world ranking of 61 percent for length and 88 percent for girth. These results left me disappointed (Is this all there is?) and, upon further reflection, a little confused. Not to be mistaken for percentile, these rankings appear to be a percentage of the world average. According to my calculations, that means a man of average length would be larger than a 4.53-inch-long iPhone, rendering the app mostly useless. For this reason, I recommend upgrading to Condom Size for iPad and iPad Mini.

Pros: Excellent safety features. I accidentally told the app I was under the age of 17, and I haven’t been able to get back in since.

Cons: Tempting features like “Condom Chart,” “Fun Facts,” and "More" cause the app to close. No seamless sharing of results to Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest. 

Bottom line: Without any noteworthy improvement upon pre-iPhone penis-measuring technology — and basically useless for the well-endowed — Condom Size is best for people who want to put their small stature in perspective. 

Here’s Every Single Penis in the American Museum of Natural History

Dodai Stewart and 23 more

Here's the thing, and I've said this before (re: Magic Mike). We just don't see enough random peen. Watch a bunch of movies and cable shows and you see breasts ALL THE TIME, but phalluses still seem novel and taboo because they're never shown. In conclusion, rock out with your cock out. Thank you.

SuzyOnTheQt and 9 more

They do this kind of thing better in Amsterdam.

dj alicat and 2 more

I work at the Natural History Museum in London and now I feel like I need to go round and check for penises in our exhibits.

RosemaryRue and 1 more

Oh, memories of the days of my volunteering at the Smithsonian Natural History Museum and parents whining about anatomically correct statues in the Human Origins exhibit...good times.

leilaww and 5 more

Wow, I have a story about penises and that very museum. I used work as an assistant to a scientist at AMNH. Once I was stuck in the staff elevator with some lecherous 70 year old guy. He was holding a long box which he felt the need to tell me contained a walrus penis bone. I said something generic like "Oh, neat," and he took the bone out, waved it around, and said "Seriously, have you EVER seen one this big?!"

That isn't even the weirdest thing that happened to me while working there.

agilder and 3 more

It weirds me out that none of the wax people have pubic hair (i.e. the penis tucker).

Except for the hairy cavemen. In which case, I think they went a little overboard with the overall body hair. Evolutionarily speaking, I doubt they had that much hair.

warmblanket and 2 more

The thing all these cultures seem to have in common is inflating the...impressive qualities...of the male body beyond what is realistic. But you can dream it you can do it right?

Tundra_Foot and 3 more

Not that I believe that it's the size that counts, but man those are some tiny penises.

ACaseOfStripes and 1 more

As far as the lack of representation of circumcised guys, it's not that surprising given very few cultures practiced it. Even now, barely 20% of the male population is cut. Also, historically, Jewish men had foreskin as circumcision used to be taking "a little off the top" or a small ritual cut.
...I know entirely too much about that thanks to an ethics class.

bakerlex and 1 more

I find it so interesting how even the most basic seeming statues (like in slides 5, 7, and 13 I believe) have very realistic looking and anatomically correct penises. Like, they have basically sticks for arms and legs, but the balls and head and shaft are all there, looking pretty much like the real thing. I know perception of the human body has changed over the millennia, but I wonder when the focus on penises came about. Kinda like the question of when our ancestors realized sex made babies, when did they decide that penises were great?

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Patient charged with fighting paramedics, squeezing their testicles

A man being taken to a hospital early Tuesday fought with two Allentown paramedics, squeezing their testicles as they tried to hold him down in the back of the ambulance, according to court records.

Aldawna Chambers, 27, of New York also bit one of the paramedics during the ride to the St. Luke's Hospital emergency room and damaged the ambulance, police said.

Police did not say why he was being taken to the hospital.

Chambers, of St. Albans in Queens, was charged with two counts each of aggravated assault, simple assault and harassment and one count of criminal mischief. He was arraigned by District Judge Karen Devine and sent to Lehigh County Prison under $25,000 bail.

According to a criminal complaint:

Allentown police were dispatched at 4:19 a.m. to an apartment at 2127 S. Ninth St. to help paramedics with a combative patient. An officer arrived and saw the paramedics holding Chambers down.

The officer handcuffed Chambers after a struggle, saying he refused to listen to his commands.

Even after Chambers was handcuffed and strapped to the ambulance bed, he continued to yell and tried to free his hands. Both paramedics said Chambers grabbed their testicles "with a strong grip" as they attempted to hold him down.

One of the paramedics said Chambers bit him on his forearm, which bled. Chambers ripped molding off the cabinets and counters of the ambulance.

When he arrived at the St. Luke's emergency room, Chambers continued to resist and tried to bite personnel.

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