June 13, 2012
Q: My boyfriend is in his 70s, and I'm in my 30s. We've been together for six years. We've had sex more than 40 times in those six years.
About a quarter of the time, he can't get an erection.
I try everything to stimulate him, but it's no good. We need some advice, please. We want to make our love life better.
A: A man's erection is based on good blood circulation. As men age, their circulation deteriorates, and so they develop what's called erectile difficulty.
There are pills, like Vydox, that help men, that do not require a doctor's prescription. 
Not all men are healthy enough to take such pills, and only his doctor can make that decision. If he's not a candidate for these pills for health reasons, there are other options, but first see if this option will work for you.
Q: I've been with my boyfriend for about three years. We have a good sex life, but for some reason I can't orgasm when I'm on top, nor can he. When he's on top, we both have amazing orgasms, which is weird because it should be easier for a woman to orgasm on top since she has control. We're really happy with each other, but I would like to be able to enjoy both of us climaxing with me on top. Any suggestions?
A: The main thing I want to say is that if you both are having amazing orgasms, in no matter what position, then you should be grateful.
You know, it's possible to start having sex in one position, just for variety's sake, and then switch back to the position that works best for you. That way, you wouldn't be having sex the exact same way every time, but you also wouldn't have to worry about whether you were going to climax.
If you experiment this way, you may find that every once in a while, with the pressure off, you will have an orgasm while on top, or he might, or you both might.
But whatever happens, enjoy as many positions as you want during the course of lovemaking, and, if needed, just end in the position that works best for you.
Q: I am a 25-year-old female with a form of muscular dystrophy. I am unable to walk or do a lot on my own. I am fully cognitive and, fortunately, I don't need help masturbating.
All my aides need to do is undress me, put an underpad on my wheelchair to keep it dry, sit me in the chair and leave my bedroom. I don't need any help after that, yet some people refuse to do even that. One aide told me she didn't feel comfortable doing it.
Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?
A: I agree that your request is one that absolutely should be granted, and yet when it comes to sex, some people react negatively, perhaps because of their own upbringing or bad experiences.
I would assume that someone with a healthy sex life would understand and would help you without question.
You don't say whether these people come to your home or whether you are in a facility, but in either case, I would have a discussion with a supervisor so that the people sent to take care of you have been told that it's all right for you to masturbate and that they need to be comfortable with it. And you could ask your doctor to speak with this supervisor.
If there is a social worker who is part of the program, you also could ask that person to be an advocate on your behalf. Good luck.
Q: I am in good health, with no heart conditions. Could sex every day cause a heart attack? I am 75 years old and do not take medications of any kind.
A: If you are in fact healthy — i.e., if a doctor agrees — then sex can't hurt you. Having sex is no more strenuous than climbing stairs. However, if you never go for checkups and though you feel OK, and you are in fact a heart attack waiting to happen, then I couldn't guarantee that sex would be safe. Only your doctor, after he has checked you out, could answer that question.
But if you're too embarrassed to ask, just ask if you can climb a flight of stairs safely, and if the doctor says yes, you'll know you can safely have sex.
"Sex for Dummies" (IDG Books) is among Dr. Ruth Westheimer's most popular books. Have a question for Dr. Ruth? Write to her at drruth.com.
Distributed by King Features Syndicate